The Curmudgeon


Monday, January 15, 2018

Nothing to Lose but our Supply Chains

Traitors and saboteurs in the notoriously communistic business sector are nagging the race-baiting Clegg-pledger at the Home Office to publish an investigation into how far the British economy has become a citizen of nowhere. Despite helpful hints of a hostile environment such as the random deportation orders and the minimum fiscal standard for spousal imports, it appears that the Recrudescent Imperium still depends to an excessive degree upon job-stealing health tourists. At a Conservative Party rah-and-blah only a couple of years ago, the Clegg-pledging race-baiter herself mentioned plans for a blacklist of companies that employed too many wogs; and a report on the subject is due a full forty-eight hours before David Davis capitulates in accordance with whatever terms the ghastly Euro-wogs see fit to offer. Yet still our so-called business leaders seem subversively united in their pessimistic, inflexible and non-entrepreneurial approach. Where international trade is concerned, one might almost think some of them would trust a wog more than a Werritty.

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Bad Theology

Text for today: Mark 11 xii-xiv and xx-xxiv; Matthew 21 xviii-xxii

This unobtrusive incident (eight verses in Mark, five in Matthew) is central to Christ's ministry and illustrates the Gospel message at its most uncompromising. Jesus is hungry and sees a fig tree; on discovering that it has no figs, He curses the tree and it withers away.

Why should the Saviour destroy a fig tree which, in accordance with the laws laid down by God, does not bear figs when figs are not in season? As theologians, we are not permitted the vulgar and literalist rationalisation that Jesus was a fundamentalist bumpkin who didn't know when figs in the Jerusalem area became ripe. Rather, we must look to the Saviour's own interpretation of His miracle, whereby He informs the disciples that the power of belief will enable them not only to curse fig trees, but to move mountains as well.

The moral here is twofold. First, the Son of God curses and destroys a humble part of God's creation because it abides by God's law. Here we recognise the arbitrary and vindictive persecutor of the faithful servant Job, the divine génocidaire of the Flood and the Book of Joshua, the cruel prankster who ensured that Jephthah's daughter would be the first to greet her father. God's punishment, like His grace, is unreasoning and merciless, and descends entirely without reference to whether or not we keep His law.

Second, Jesus instructs His disciples that provided they pray in faith, whatever they demand will be theirs, even unto the casting of mountains into the sea. The fig tree's calvary therefore serves as an allegory, not of love or forgiveness, but of the same destructive power which smote Sodom and Gomorrah and which Jesus was forever wishing upon His enemies. More even than the formal adoption at His baptism, the blasting of the fig tree shows Jesus as the true Son of His Father in heaven.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Flame Out

The only person to face manslaughter (sic) charges over the lynching of three civil rights workers in the Mississippi Burning case has died in prison. The case was dramatised in Alan Parker's 1988 film, in which truth and justice are pluckily pursued by two white liberal employees of the well-known civil rights campaigner J Edgar Hoover. None of Edgar Ray Killen's accomplices ever faced trial for murder, doubtless because there were very fine people on both sides. In the immediate aftermath of the killings, comparatively few unarmed Klansmen were shot to death by law enforcement officers, and it took forty years before Killen was convicted. When the state government of Mississippi refused to prosecute anyone, the federal government charged eighteen people with conspiring to deprive American citizens of their constitutional rights; and in the regrettable greatness-lacking spirit of the sixties, seven of the accused served prison sentences of up to six years rather than being allowed to run for President.

Friday, January 12, 2018

New Threats

There can be few more archetypal citizens of nowhere than the secretary general of the United Nations, an organisation whose very name implies some sort of moral equivalence between Britain and the lesser breeds. In recent years the UN has somewhat exceeded its proper function of rubber-stamping Anglo-American wog-bombing adventures, and has dispatched various Rolniks and Manjoos to interfere with the sovereignty of Her Majesty's Government. The present secretary general, being yet another foreigner with a funny name, has continued this regrettable trend with a diatribe on the benefits of migration, apparently in the hope that governments hitherto united in their financial self-interest and racist pandering will change their alarmist and stigmatising ways just because of mere social and economic facts. Certainly neither the late Bullingdon administration nor the present Recrudescent Imperium of Westminster, Gibraltar and the Falkland Islands has given any indication of being swayed by anything so unpatriotic as evidence; and the UN secretary general has patently failed to distinguish between undeserving migrants such as refugees, terrorists, nurses and so forth, and deserving migrants like Rupert Murdoch.

Thursday, January 11, 2018


Difficulties in coming to terms with a violently racist past are not confined to the nation that spawned Cecil Rhodes and Winston Churchill. The French publisher Gallimard has cancelled its proposed reissue of Céline's anti-semitic pamphlets, which in the words of one objector "influenced a whole generation of collaborationists who sent French Jews to their deaths." Just how many people got through Bagatelles pour un massacre, L'École des cadavres and Les Beaux Draps is uncertain, but it seems most unlikely that an entire generation was influenced. The essence of racism lies in optimism and romanticism: human greatness distilled in the master race, which will achieve its full potential once the vermin have been cleared away. Céline had his faults, but optimism was never one of them; and although his anti-semitism was genuine enough he never showed the least interest in making it respectable. The idea that his rants might somehow be sanctified by the mere act of publication is a strange one: by the same brilliant logic a bowdlerised Céline would be less holy than the uncensored text, and his publishable writings have been whitewashed by leaving the controversial parts just as he wrote them.

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

For Strength and Stability

Astoundingly enough, almost a full seven years after the liberation of Libya by Britain's Head Boy and a few of his chums, there still remains some doubt as to whether the country is ready for elections. As a CIA hireling and hence a "strongman" rather than a terrorist or a suspected war criminal, Khalifa Haftar has demonstrated the expectable degree of commitment to democracy, proclaiming that the forthcoming elections had better proceed to his satisfaction or else. Despite the forward-planning capabilities of the late Head Boy and his chums, Libya remains divided and rudderless, quite unlike other oil-rich states which have undergone the benefits of freedomisation by wog-bombing; and Haftar has made a stab at Tin-Pot Tessie's style of tautological threat by defining "enough" as enough. It remains to be seen how the country will adapt the supreme example of Britain's Mother of Parliaments to its own cruder requirements: whether by gerrymandering like the Bullingdon Club, pandering to extremists like Tumbledown Tessie, or simply executing traitors and citizens of nowhere in the name of Libya First.

Tuesday, January 09, 2018

Virgin House Price Cancer Scare Shock

Traitors, saboteurs and citizens of nowhere at Virgin Trains have conspired to censor that permanently persecuted bastion of Britishness, the Rothermere Daily Stürmer. Although passengers will be free to peruse the paper's wisdom, they will not be able to buy copies or receive them as give-aways on Virgin Trains. The company claims that the Stürmer is incompatible with its brand and beliefs, at least partly because of concerns over such traditional British values as racism, gay-baiting, poor-bashing and permanent, pure-blooded, pearl-clutching, blue-rinsed squealing hysteria from one end of the week to the other. Although the Stürmer prides itself on speaking for the little people (its editor being by all accounts one of the smallest men in the country), it also didn't sell very well, which was apparently incompatible with the famously Stalinist values espoused by Sir Richard Branson, Knight of the NHS.

Monday, January 08, 2018

Well Ahead of the Bad Guys

The values that built the British Empire continue to bear their world-improving fruit, in the shape of a forty-two per cent increase in productivity with regard to suspected enemy combatant pre-emptive detrimentation. There is, as usual, no credible evidence of British airstrikes resulting in civilian deaths, although the Ministry for Wog-Bombing has looked in all the cupboards and Her Majesty's Government has even asked the head-chopping House of Saud if everything was tickety-boo. (The head-chopping House of Saud, after an investigation rigorous enough to satisfy Michael Fallon, confirmed that everything was.) By contrast, the terrorists' bag of civilians for the past year showed hardly any change, which may partly account for the present boom in casualties among unarmed asymmetrical combatants in civilian uniform. If the terrorist market is bottoming out, or even flatlining, responsible governments have no other recourse but to seek alternative targets. To have bombs and not to use them would be almost as wasteful as leaving oil in the ground.

Sunday, January 07, 2018

Break Out the Opium

Despite having perpetrated a hoax so hilarious that it melts roads in Australia, the Heathen Chinee still clearly have much to learn. In a calculated manoeuvre quite foreign to the disinterested idealism that pertains in Western politics, Xi Jinping has not only declared a war on poverty, but has made the primitive, literalist error of taking action to reduce poverty rather than increase it. Besides repressive interference with the housing market, the policy includes disincentivisation of initiative among the poor, some of whom may die of thirst when they realise they no longer have to carry their own water. To complete the blasphemous litany, there are even hints that the careers of government officials may depend on the results they obtain. Alongside other recent provocations by the Heathen Chinee, notably taking radical action against climate change and attempting to prevent nuclear war in Korea, such irresponsible conduct can only risk the displeasure of the Recrudescent Imperium of Westminster, Gibraltar and the Falkland Islands.

Saturday, January 06, 2018

Sunny Uplands

Doubtless thanks to the dusty doings of desiccated Euro-wog regulators, much of south-eastern England could face drought should there be a summer this year. The autumn and winter have been unusually dry, and summer rain is very selfishly taken up and used by various non-parliamentary forms of vegetation. A good deal of piped water is lost because moisture profitability agencies don't bother to repair their pipes; and since the moisture profitability agencies are private companies, any attempt to force them to do so would contradict the most fundamental tenets of the prevailing religious orthodoxy. Still, even the Government is aware that the south-east of England is not the north of England, so it is possible that some sort of measures will be taken; but since instead of an environment secretary we have the jabbering homunculus Michael Gove, the chances of the south-west being either submerged or sandscaped by next September cannot altogether be discounted.

Friday, January 05, 2018

A British Family

You plebs in the corridors waiting,
With health service crisis inflating,
Stop lazing about,
Buck up, sing and shout:
Rejoice, for the toffs have been mating!

To pump out more Royals is jolly!
To grumble is treason and folly,
And won't she look fine
While waiting in line
To labour on gold-plated trolley!

Kingsley Sprogporne

Thursday, January 04, 2018

Menstrual Detention

Despite six years of tender loving care under the previous Home Secretary (what was her name again?), to say nothing of the Bullingdon Club's apocalyptic efficientisation of their backroom staff, many police forces are routinely breaching the human rights of women and girls in custody. A monitoring association funded by the Home Office and police and crime commissioners has found that female suspects are being warehoused without adequate sanitary facilities, without concern for menstruation, and without the assistance of female officers: conditions which are likely to be in breach of the European convention on human rights. Since the Recrudescent Imperium still has some way to go before consummating its independence from the Brusso-Strasbourgian militant feminist axis, the race-baiting Clegg-pledger at the Home Office will apparently be taking time off from her tax avoidance duties in the Bahamas in order to work out how matters can be improved, perhaps via on-the-spot penalties for leaking without due care and attention.

Wednesday, January 03, 2018

Compassionate Cleansing

The Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead, being home to Windsor Castle, Eton and Ascot, is of course a compassionate community. There is no place for homelessness in a compassionate community, therefore the Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead has no place for the homeless. The local council's leader, who is on a compassionate skiing holiday in Wyoming, has ordered Thames Valley police to clear away the beggars and their detritus in time for the next scheduled royal wedding. The council leader's letter has been copied to the dead-eyed warden of HM Prison UK, whose election as parliamentary expenses claimant for Maidenhead shows just what a compassionate community the Royal Borough really is. A list of the council's support services for the vulnerable is provided, in case Thames Valley police were unaware of them; the fact that certain persons remain homeless despite the compassion of a Conservative council can mean only that they are homeless by choice, or else that they are mansion-dwelling Bolshie scroungers who seek only to frighten the tourists. The royal family, who never interfere in politics save where their personal finances are concerned, have nobly refrained from comment, despite the fact that one of the happy couple's relatives heads that compassionate church which mediates between the country and the Great Anglican in the Sky.

Tuesday, January 02, 2018

Of Shoulders and Burdens

Vulnerable private members' clubs are being forced into desperate measures in order to protect themselves from the Stalinist horrors of national insurance. The Devonshire Club in London, where real people pay two hundred a month to take advantage of sixty-eight rooms, a restaurant, a champagne bar and some plebs, has requested (the Oldspeak equivalent need hardly be specified) the servants to take a pay cut to minimum wage level and rely on gratuities to top up their salaries. Since the members are so very upstanding, the gratuities cannot of course be guaranteed, but any fiscal inconvenience for the lower orders will be more than offset by liberation from such outdated fripperies as redundancy pay, the breeders' bounty and the state pension. Even more importantly, the Devonshire will pay less tax; and since the Devonshire is part-owned by no less a Belizean patriot than Lord Non-Dom the Dodgy, that can only be good for Britain.

Monday, January 01, 2018

Ever Onward

This is the time each year, perforce,
When merriment has belched its course,
And we resolve to purge our vice,
And to be good, or even nice -

And in a twelvemonth, give or take,
Those promises again to make;
And to our virtues' ample score
Resolve to add a couple more.

Samuel Grimsnipe