The Curmudgeon


Thursday, December 29, 2005

Granulated Human Organs

Congratulations on your purchase of BodyCon's all-new maximal convenience bladder granules. This package contains four sachets for easy and convenient domestic organ replacement. Utilised according to instructions, BodyCon's all-new maximal convenience bladder granules will bring you many days of happy and practically pain-free anatomical function.

Important. This is not a gall bladder.


Place contents of one sachet in a sterilised metal dish or other shallow container.

Add very hot (not boiling) water and stir gently until bladder is fully formed.

Make incision in lower abdomen and remove previous bladder. It is essential to remove all traces of previous bladder before inserting the new organ. Failure to do so may result in non-refundable malfunction and considerable clearing up.

Ensure that new bladder is fully formed, with correctly mounted ureter and unblocked urethral orifice.

Place bladder into incision and rest on pelvic floor with pubic symphysis on bladder's anterior border. Connect urethra at lowest point of trigone. Do not use a stapler.

Once bladder is in place, BodyCon can accept no responsibility for any adverse consequences suffered by the customer as a result of failing to follow instructions correctly. Always ensure that bladder is properly constituted and emplaced before securing.

When bladder is in place, close incision and wait at least four hours before utilising the organ.

If you have enjoyed this BodyCon product, why not try our forthcoming range of granulated human organs and systems, soon to include liver, pancreas, duodenum, gall bladder and brain lobes. Use BodyCon for your anatomical convenience. Simple, healthy and oh, so you.

Contains genuine transitional epithelium (6%), cystitis resistor P155, artificial colouring and British Safety Approved (code BS 147632907/C) detrusor enhancers.


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