Virgin House Price Cancer Scare Shock

Traitors, saboteurs and citizens of nowhere at Virgin Trains have conspired to censor that permanently persecuted bastion of Britishness, the Rothermere Daily Stürmer. Although passengers will be free to peruse the paper's wisdom, they will not be able to buy copies or receive them as give-aways on Virgin Trains. The company claims that the Stürmer is incompatible with its brand and beliefs, at least partly because of concerns over such traditional British values as racism, gay-baiting, poor-bashing and permanent, pure-blooded, pearl-clutching, blue-rinsed squealing hysteria from one end of the week to the other. Although the Stürmer prides itself on speaking for the little people (its editor being by all accounts one of the smallest men in the country), it also didn't sell very well, which was apparently incompatible with the famously Stalinist values espoused by Sir Richard Branson, Knight of the NHS.