The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

New, Improved and Necessary

Everyone needs an IDENTITY, and with the new, improved IDENTITY CARD your IDENTITY will be kept safe for all time on as many databases as the Government can afford to keep at reasonably low risk of terrorist penetration insofar as this is not inconsistent with responsible approximation to impacting fiscal targets.

The new, improved IDENTITY CARD is a new and improved CARD for your personal IDENTITY. The new, improved IDENTITY CARD has BUILT-IN BIOMETRIC CAPACITY (BBC) to ensure that your IDENTITY is protected against all forms of fraud, terrorism and privacy invasion.

The new, improved IDENTITY CARD is an IDENTITY CARD which is new and improved. Without your new, improved IDENTITY CARD you may be unable to apply for a DRIVING LICENSE. Your DRIVING LICENSE enables you to exercise your inalienable right to PERSONAL TRANSPORTATION without undue risk of being blown up by those TERRORISTS whose fiendish machinations the new, improved IDENTITY CARD will minimalise to whatever extent is feasible within the limitations of its capabilities under the dynamics of any given situation which may happen to arise.

The new, improved IDENTITY CARD is a CARD which is new, improved and IDENTITY. Everyone needs an IDENTITY. Without your new, improved IDENTITY CARD you may be unable to apply for a PASSPORT. Your PASSPORT is a certified BRITISHNESS ENHANCER.

Everyone needs an IDENTITY. The new, improved IDENTITY CARD is a new IDENTITY CARD which is an improvement on all previous identity cards. The new, improved IDENTITY CARD contains more details, reveals more facts, enables deeper readings, stimulates more sensors and is very nearly as inexpensive as its predecessor. The new, improved IDENTITY CARD enables rapid and convenient CONFIRMATION of your non-complicity in TERRORIST ACTIVITIES, and facilitates CONSUMER PROFILING by personalised retail service providers to make your shopping experience a smooth one.

Everyone needs an IDENTITY. The new, improved IDENTITY CARD protects your IDENTITY against terror, fraud, asylum seekers, the nanny state, animal rights activists, hurricane, earthquake, woodworm and people who DRESS STRANGELY.

Everyone needs an IDENTITY. The new, improved IDENTITY CARD is new and improved, and incorporates numerous new improvements. The new, improved IDENTITY CARD is new and improved. Everyone needs an IDENTITY. If you need an IDENTITY, you need the new, improved IDENTITY CARD, and your IDENTITY will never have felt so new or improved before.

Everyone needs an IDENTITY. Failure to produce proper identification on demand may result in criminal charges and/or imprisonment, not necessarily in that order.

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