The Curmudgeon


Saturday, June 14, 2008

Lead-Lined Pets

We're all fed up with dog demise, canary cremation and flushing the goldfish down the toilet. But, as governments struggle to adopt clean, safe and sustainable nuclear power, the problem of temporary pets and the heartbreak and grief they can cause has remained almost intractable. Until now.

New PermaPets™ from Reddon, Clewth and Tor are specially designed using the latest life sciences and patented genetic material to produce a pet that is not only lovably cute and cheerfully cuddly, but sustainable into the twenty-second century and beyond.

New PermaPets™ from Reddon, Clewth and Tor utilise New Gruff 'N' Tuff™ technology to enhance their natural defences against domestic accidents, sexual predators and innovative national energy sources. Barring cosmic accident or massive solar expansion, New PermaPets™ will never die or decay, thus eliminating the risk of untidy fossil remnants.

New PermaPets™ have been bred with Reddon, Clewth and Tor's unique lead-tungsten endoskeleton. This exclusive feature allows New PermaPets™ to withstand temperatures approaching those at the epicentre of a catastrophic road traffic impact fireball without losing their lovable cuddliness and cheerful cuteness.

New PermaPets™ from Reddon, Clewth and Tor are available in three irresistible incarnations with many more to come! Available for instant purchase are New SuperMutt®, MacroMoggy® and Extra-New Bionic Budgerigar which can penetrate the human skull faster than a bullet from a .357 Magnum revolver and leave a larger exit wound with minimal slowing on re-emergence.

New PermaPets™ run on cheap and affordable uranium batteries with minimal cancer risk. Do not expose New PermaPets™ to terrorists or strong earth tremors.


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