Compassionate Cleansing

The Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead, being home to Windsor Castle, Eton and Ascot, is of course a compassionate community. There is no place for homelessness in a compassionate community, therefore the Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead has no place for the homeless. The local council's leader, who is on a compassionate skiing holiday in Wyoming, has ordered Thames Valley police to clear away the beggars and their detritus in time for the next scheduled royal wedding. The council leader's letter has been copied to the dead-eyed warden of HM Prison UK, whose election as parliamentary expenses claimant for Maidenhead shows just what a compassionate community the Royal Borough really is. A list of the council's support services for the vulnerable is provided, in case Thames Valley police were unaware of them; the fact that certain persons remain homeless despite the compassion of a Conservative council can mean only that they are homeless by choice, or else that they are mansion-dwelling Bolshie scroungers who seek only to frighten the tourists. The royal family, who never interfere in politics save where their personal finances are concerned, have nobly refrained from comment, despite the fact that one of the happy couple's relatives heads that compassionate church which mediates between the country and the Great Anglican in the Sky.