Khan's Calamitous Communistic Clean-Air Caliphate

Everything slows down under Labour, and London under the yoke of the Islamo-Stalinoid Sadiq Khan is no exception. It has taken the capital thirty days to breach the legal limit for air pollution: something which, under the exhilarating rah-and-blah of the Imperial Haystack, never once took so much as a week. Strangely enough, given the issues involved, the opinion of the famously green anti-terrorist Zac Goldsmith does not appear to have been solicited. In any case, Khan's perfidious programme of respiratory cleansing has still not reached its fiendish climax, having been stalled by the devastating Britishness of environmental policy at national level. Not only do we have a jabbering homunculus instead of a secretary of state for the environment, but the dead-eyed warden herself is obliged to believe that climate change is a hoax by the Heathen Chinee. To maintain otherwise would be to risk alienating the big orange man-baby and his psychopathic head-tribble, with unfortunate results for the post-Brexit economy.