That Strain Again

Seven out of the nine musical acts booked for a concert series which the Trumpster and his head-tribble decreed to celebrate America's quarter-millennium have withdrawn within two days of the announcement. Freedom 250, the Trumpster affiliate behind the feast of culture, describes itself inspiringly as a "nonpartisan 501(c)(3)," which means a non-profit organisation that can be used as a tax dodge. Such organisations have hitherto not been permitted to engage in political campaigning; but if this anniversary is about anything, it is about America's return to government by men and not by laws. Some of the artists managed to extricate themselves without laying down a carpet of F-bombs; others expressed surprise at having been extended the privilege in the first place. In music as in diplomacy, the Trumpster and his head-tribble do not stoop to inform their servants; which presumably means the CEO of Team Starmer will shortly claim that the Special Relationship means Britain gets the rock-star treatment.

All Perfectly Innocent

One of the Farage Falange's new local authority stormtroopers is facing calls to resign even before the workload takes its toll. Despite belonging to a race-baiting rabble with a rigidly top-down hierarchy headed by a mouthy egomaniac, the gentleman apparently has a swastika tattoo on his arm. The revelation prompted the local Team Starmer representative to decide that the Holocaust began at some point before 1926, but it nevertheless seems that the symbol actually derives from a youthful flirtation with Buddhism. The local Farage Falange Truppführer pointed out that the Nazi swastika, unlike the Buddhist one, is always tilted, as on the personal standard of Adolf Hitler; and the rigorous Farage Falange vetting process is famously efficient at weeding out undesirables.

As Perfect as it Gets

Lovers of liberty will rejoice that the Trumpster is about as fit as any octogenarian possibly could be whose hollowed-out cranium happens to be farctate with the controlling defecations of a rabid radioactive head-tribble. His legs are swollen from doing a healthy nine miles a day around the golf course, and his hands are world-beatingly bruised from hard-won power-grip victories over Xi Jinping, the head-chopping House of Saud, and Sir Keir Starmer. The imperial physician, Sean Prettybeard, has previously admitted that the Trumpster has ailments; but it seems that these derive from the Grand Orange Physique's immune system reacting to those parts that still retain some vestigial traces of benignity.

Irregular Conceptions

Whether from the effects of climate change or some insidious biological warfare by the Heathen Chinee, or simply because the state's human population is sparse and widely scattered, it appears that strange things are aborning in South Australia. A labour migration specialist turned compulsory-labour entrepreneur has published pictures apparently sent by a penitent mother who claimed they showed her aborted twin girls, whom the anonymous lady tactfully cleaned up before starting the photoshoot. Analysts have identified the objects as the local equivalent of flying squirrels which, if they really did once occupy a human womb, might well have miscarried on their own without any help from the forceps-wielding fiends of fanatical feminazism. Even so, the images have been widely circulated in aid of a forthcoming rally in Sydney on behalf of the coathanger industry, and presumably on behalf of a world made safe for were-marsupial mutant miscegenation.

Another Fiendish Provocation

Is there no end to the depravities of the Russian Bear? Having interfered with one of Michael Green's pseudonyms when it was playing with its toys a couple of years ago, the menace from the East has imperilled civilisation yet further by trying the same trick upon the almost equally capable Team Starmer equivalent. The Minister for Wog-Bombing had been to Estonia for a bit of a rah-rah with the troops, doubtless with the salutary effect on morale that is generally to be expected when a politician drops in. On the return trip the aircraft's GPS was disabled, causing some inconvenience to the Minister and his free, fair and rigorously impartial journalistic retinue. Despite standard British procurement practice and the inherent expendability of almost all British ministers, the aircraft was of French manufacture and therefore had a backup navigation system; nevertheless, the beastly Russians clearly have much to answer for. It is certainly to be deplored when a sovereign state interferes with the military activities of a hostile power operating near its own borders.

Tourist Trap

Of all the underhanded tricks perpetrated by the ghastly Euro-wogs in revenge for Britishness, the latest must surely rank among the lowest. As is well known, many voters in favour of British independence underestimated the cunning and deceit of the Strasbrussels dictatorship, and so failed to realise that ending freedom of movement would apply to real people as well as to the wogs; and now the beastly French have taken unscrupulous advantage of the climate catastrophe to rub the error in. Border checks at Dover have been temporarily suspended, thereby preventing tourists from the mainland being poached alive in their cars as they wait for admission to the Continent; but beneath its sensible and moderate surface the measure clearly functions as propaganda for the dreaded migration magnification mechanism, insidiously implying that freedom of movement may have conferred some advantage even upon the master race. Collaborationist port authorities have gone so far as to demand that staff be appeased with kindness and respect, which is unlikely to help Dover's case when the Farage Falange is finally elected to sort the nation out once and for all.

Who Needs Science Anyway

Among the more arduous burdens involved in accepting Jesus as one's personal Saviour is, of course, the need for sufficient humility to correct Him where He went wrong. Few of the faithful have ever let themselves be troubled by the joke about selling all they have and giving to the poor, let alone by that unholy gaffe about welcoming strangers; but the Christian state of Florida has incurred a substantial moral cost through its relaxed attitude to the typographical error about loving one's enemies and responding to persecution with exceeding gladness. Rather than rejoicing at its heavenly reward, the state's fish and wildlife conservation commission sacked a biologist over a social media repost after the Deity's mysterious oversight in the shooting of Charles James Kirk. The state has now agreed to settle the resulting lawsuit for just under half a million dollars, in return for the plaintiff's pledge not to darken the agency's payroll again. Presumably this is not too great a sacrifice on the scientist's part, since the agency will doubtless be winding down anyway in order to free up state funds for the study of UFOs and the Ten Commandments.

Transparently Defensive

One of the more patriotic explanations for the success of the Trumpster and his head-tribble in America and the Farage Falange on the mainland is the insidious influence of the beastly Russians, as if the English-speaking peoples might have some aversion to voting racist or stupid without a substantial injection of foreign cash. Team Starmer's Minister for Wog-Bombing, who evidently has nothing more important to do these days, has joined in the optimism with a written urge to the strutting Caudillo of the Farage Falange about the latter's recently revealed billionaire bung. Depending on whether you believe the strutting Caudillo himself or the strutting Caudillo himself, the five million in question was either a donation towards the great man's security or a reward for liberating our great Nation from decades of unwelcome prosperity; but the Minister for Wog-Bombing has demanded assurances that the lucre was tainted neither by connections to Tsar Vladimir nor by excessive support for the Persian Crusade. It is to be hoped that the strutting Caudillo's response will aspire to the transparency, the parsimony and the freedom from foreign influence for which the British Ministry for Wog-Bombing has long been renowned.

Despicable Indignities

Presumably because the ramifications of the Persian Crusade continue slightly inconvenient, various paragons of the international community have suddenly discovered that ministers of the Righteous State do not, alas! always conduct themselves to their own best advantage. One of the Netanyahoo's numerous secretaries for war published video footage of non-Arabs being treated like Palestinians, featuring himself waving the flag and displaying legitimate and understandable concerns. The Trumpster's ambassador and even the Netanyahoo himself joined the British mainland and some lesser breeds in expressing disapproval, on the usual moral grounds that such conduct is unworthy of a master race and is not the sort of thing in which a dignified militarised apartheid rogue state should be seen to indulge excessively. Doubtless the sanctions and asset-freezings to come will be correspondingly salutary in their rigour.

St Michael's Anathema

As one would expect from the party of working people, Team Starmer has responded to the latest economic difficulties by asking corporations if they would very much mind not making quite so much profit for a while; and the chief executive of Marks and Spencer has responded in the expectable manner. Thanks to global headwinds and the Persian Crusade, the retailer is expected to profit by a beggarly eight-tenths of a billion rather than the anticipated nine-tenths, so any talk of cheaper necessities for the poor is completely preposterous. Like many other corporate complainers, Marks and Spencer are in the process of automating and AI-ensloppifying their business, viz. depriving working people of the living that would enable them to spend money, expand the economy, and profit corporations. It's difficult to sell merchandise when you're busy making sure that most people can't afford to buy it; so the obvious answer is, as always, lower taxes and less regulation. That's how we got to where we are today; and as one would expect from the party of working people, Team Starmer will most likely beat a hurried retreat from any whimper of a hint that any moderate or sensible non-antisemite might wish to try making the situation even slightly otherwise.