Careless Talk Costs Laughs

It seems I may owe the nation an apology. Yesterday I assumed that Fishy Rishi might feel safer with his helicoptering in the hands of the Ministry for Wog-Bombing because the Transport brief has been in the sweaty little hands of creatures like Grant Shapps; and today Fishy Rishi has appointed Grant Shapps to the Ministry for Wog-Bombing. Even some Conservatives are worried that this might be a confidence trickster too far; but in mitigation it should be noted that if the Minister for Wog-Bombing really had much to do with the country's defence and security we would most likely have been occupied by Afghanistan, or possibly Eritrea, during the tenure of the buffoonish Liam Fox. Rather than pulling triggers and pressing buttons, which in Westminster is the privilege of arms dealers and the Pentagon, Shapps' function will be to harrumph at uppity foreigns and make rah-rah noises for the kind of voter who thinks they won the Battle of Britain by accident of birth. If nothing else, the appointment is well within the great tradition of military Britishness, from Cardigan through Haig to the procurement of armoured vehicles whose major function is apparently to damage their occupants.