Happy Tanking

The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.
George Bernard Shaw

Connoisseurs of military Britishness, who remember with pride the non-aircraft carrier and the submarine that could just about detect Scotland by touch, will rejoice at the Ministry for Wog-Bombing's new armoured vehicle. The Ajax cannot reverse over objects more than twenty centimetres high: an incentive to advance at all costs which might be a bit more rah-rah were the Ajax capable of moving and shooting at the same time. Thanks to the Ministry's patriotic insistence on an ill-fitting but doubtless chum-profiting type of cannon, the Ajax crews have been spared the trouble of defending themselves while driving. This is doubly fortunate as the suspension is so British that crews can't operate for more than an hour and a half at a time, and are at risk of tinnitus and swollen joints if they try to rattle along at more than twenty miles an hour. Since the Ministry for Wog-Bombing is as deeply concerned as ever about the health of its donkey-following felidae, it appears that no delays to deployment will be countenanced: the enemies of state and people will just have to follow the example of the coronavirus and bow to our Britannic timetable. Appropriately enough, the Ajax is named after two mythological heroes, one of whom was a sex offender who slaughtered some cattle and himself over a second-hand suit of armour, and neither of whom maintained very good relations with the goddess of wisdom.