The Water's Fine

Our old, dear friend, Thames Water is back once more, with yet another demonstration of the smooth-flowing service it gives to all its consumers. Ofwat, the regulator, plans to fine Thames £1.4 million for "failing to provide its customers with an acceptable service" and £11.1 million for supplying inaccurate reports. "The size of the fine reflects the seriousness with which we see this situation," an Ofwat spokesbeing clarified; from which we may judge that the offence of bureaucratic inefficiency is approximately eight times more serious than that of swindling the customers. Thames Water's response also reflects the seriousness with which it sees the situation; it has threatened to take its losses out of its customers' hides the first chance it gets. "What particularly concerns us is this large sum of money could be spent directly on improving services to customers," the chief executive said; "but the only benefit will be to the Treasury. This makes little sense," far less sense than, say, letting Thames Water be just as efficient as Thames Water thinks fit. After all, while it may be true that "Thames Water's processes and systems meant that customers received poor service, and also missed out on payments they were entitled to", the missed payments amounted to less than half a million pounds in total - half a million pounds which was no doubt spent directly on improving services to customers, as is Thames Water's wont.