The Curmudgeon


Tuesday, May 16, 2006

News 2020

Hot, dry summer could lead to moisture shortages, report warns

Parts of Britain could face hydro-disconsumption and conservation measures including rationing and fluidity restriction orders due to the inadequacy of the country's preparedness in the war on drought, a Government report revealed today.

Thames Water and Associated Throughflow plc, the company which the Government has contracted to pipe water from Ghana into the London system, said that the moisture provision industry would always be happy to do everything it could under the prevailing economic and physical circumstances.

Nevertheless, a spokesman said that hydro-product consumers could also do more to prevent shortages.

"If people could only wash less and desist from flushing their lavatories, especially when the temperature rises during the summer, this would go a long way towards a very real prospect of situational consolidation and eventual amelioration once the commencement of pluvial precipitation began again," a spokesman said.

The leader of the opposition, Boris Johnson, condemned the Government's "structural culturology of nonpreparednessism" and claimed that measures to stop people washing would be a breach of their civil rights and would lead to "millions of innocent citizens" being arrested for breach of the Axillary Sociability Statutes (ASS).

The Minister for National Desiccation, Wetherby Duckworth, denied that excessive amounts of fluidity-oriented merchandise were being lost through failure to replace old pipes. "The losses of moisture through infrastructural superannuation have been taken into account and are not considered to have a degree of unacceptability which cannot at the moment be lived with," he said.


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