Put That in your Pipe

Ofwat, Britain's charmingly named regulator to the water profiteering business, has exercised more good sense than I should have given it credit for in punishing Thames Water. Thames, which is owned by a German multinational in the name of British efficiency, imposed a hosepipe ban in April, has asked for a drought order for later, and made record profits this year.

The company has also shown a truly Blairite instinct for holier-than-thou salesmanship by lecturing its captive market on water efficiency. "It's important that we do not take this precious resource for granted and that we all use water wisely to ensure that there is enough for everyone in years to come," the website informs us, before continuing schoolmarmishly: "Water saving habits started now will become a way of life for the future." A drip in time saves nine, you see, children. Top tips include: "When buying a new dishwasher, choose one that is energy efficient as this saves water and electricity." Customers who wouldn't think to check are helpfully informed that "Machines with an 'A' rating sign are the most economical". We are also advised to fix leaking taps, to turn taps off when brushing teeth, and to fit "a bag of harmless crystals" in the toilet cistern. I seem to recall reading that a house brick wrapped in plastic will do the same job, but a house brick probably would not rejoice in the catchy name of Save-a-flush. Those who find that their toilet does not flush properly with a Save-a-flush in the cistern are advised to "please remove your Save-a-flush".

Oh, and I forgot to mention: Thames Water plans to raise prices yet further, and is wasting eight hundred and seventy-four million litres every day because of leaky pipes. The regulator could have imposed a fine, but the maximum would have been seventy million and the money would have gone to the Treasury for Gordon Brown to spend on a war or the Private Finance Initiative. Instead, Ofwat have imposed a "legally binding undertaking" on Thames Water to do more repairs to the pipes than it had planned, and to do them at the expense of the shareholders. It will only cost them double the maximum fine, which is a shame; but on the whole this appears such an eminently sensible judgement that it can only be a matter of time before Tony Blair or the Home Office overturns it.