Bit of a Blow

An enemy of the people has dismissed a libel claim against Mirror Group Newspapers by Sir James Dyson, the plucky little entrepreneur who campaigned for independence from the beastly Strasbrussels bureaucracy only to toddle off to Singapore in order to reap the benefits of liberty at a safe distance. A journalist in the Daily Mirror accused Dyson of setting a bad example for youth: "Kids, talk the talk but then screw your country and if anyone complains, tell them to suck it up;" the final phrase being a gratuitous and deeply hurtful reference to the great man's vacuum cleaner empire. However, the judge threw out the claim, while providing a handy legal definition of "screw the country," thereby condoning the vandalism of Dyson's reputation. The lustre of the Dyson name had of course been ineffably enhanced by his forthright show of confidence in whatever nebulous yet advantageous trade treaties may one day be negotiated between Singapore and Global Britain.