Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

Our noble Prime Miniſter, that vigiliant Cuſtodian of our national Libertie and ſtern yet ſcrupulous Prefect of our Law and Order, hath proclaimed in true patriotick Wiſe, that all Publick-houſes ſhall heretofore be empowered by Royal Charter to declare themſelves cleanſed of the ſubverſive Symptoms of the Woo Han Peſtilence, and to ſtop at the Doore, report, incarcerate and ſentence to ſummary Puniſhment, any Perſon who may preſume to cough in ſuſpect Accents or diſplay an unduly foreign Conſiſtency of Phlegm. More benign and viſionary ſtill, thoſe Publick-houſes where an entire three Days have paſsed, without ſeeing a ſingle Cuſtomer carried off by the Heathen Plague, ſhall be granted the certified Privilege of diſplaying that great Symbol of Freedom, the national Flagge, to the immeaſurable Improvement of the general Populace. For whether in Mourning for a demiſed Parent, a defunct Spouſe or an economically inactivated Off-ſpring, there is nothing ſo curative to the Plebeian Soul, nor ſo ſtiffening of the Moral Fibre of the inferior Claſses, than the magnificent Sight of the Union Jack fluttering like ſome brightly-coloured Oblong of Cloth above the Place where they buy their Beer. It is by the Adoption of ſuch pragmatick and ſenſible Meaſures, that the holy and liberating Force of entrepreneurial Plucke and Gumption muſt at laſt attain its final annihilating Triumph over the pagan Horde and the beaſtlie French, with a ſubſtantial reſulting Advantage to our international Trade.