Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

It is reckoned among our Pedants, that the Quantity of Perſons claimed by the Peſtilence in England may exceed that in any other Realm outſide the American Colonies, though theſe laſt ſhould arguably be omitted from Calculation given their unfair Advantages of Space, Puritaniſm and Smallpox. But if the great Britiſh Nation hath achieved of its own buccaneering Initiative a more thorough Cleanſing of the expendable Claſses than any leſser Breed could accompliſh, then ſurely it is fitting to permit ourſelves a brief Period of Rejoycing. Our noble Prime Miniſter this very day applauded the Attendants at our Aſylums for the Infirm and Bewildered, for having played ſo honourable a Part in relieving the Congeſtion of our Cities and enabling new Heights of Efficiency among the Peaſantry, in victorious Contraſt with the beaſtlie French and other rival Powers. I have it from a moſt reliable Source, that the Piles of bloated Corſes in the Streets of Paris are noted for their Paltrineſs by the great Majority of Witneſses, and that thoſe who have obſerved Conditions in London and the Provinces manifeſt ſuch Aſtoniſhment, that afterward they can ſcarce ſummon the Will to return to their Relatives upon the Britiſh Mainland. Should the Peſtilence leave their Armies more numerous than ours, then ſo much the greater will be our future Glories for being won againſt the Odds.

At the Bloater and Blueſtocking Coffee-houſe there is much Talk of ſetting up a Royall Commiſsion for the Purpoſe of regiſtering formally the Gratitude of the Britiſh People towards Her Majeſty's Government and enſuring that appropriate fiſcal Compenſations are fairly diſtributed among the Heroes, and I have therefore written to Her Majeſty offering my moſt devoted Chairmanſhip for a very negotiable Conſideration, and had copies diſpatched to all her Sons and their Valets, Buttlers, Procurers and the more literate Type of Nannies.