Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

Yeſterday once more unto the Taylors for further Adjuſtments of the Guſset and ſundry ſplit and ſhrunken rearward Panels which tend to a chronick Diſcombobulation of the Gluteus when the Flaps are raiſed and buttoned. Afterwards to the Bloater and Blueſtocking Coffee-houſe, where the Loyal League of Facial Defiants was muſtered to draw up its lateſt Manifeſto againſt the compulſory Wearing of Maſques by Perſons of ſuperior ſocial Poſition. There were ſome dozen Members preſent, which Number was agreed to conſtitute a Quorum, and a generall Accord was ſwiftly achieved upon the Character of the Organiſation, which is pledged to occupy the moderate Centre-ground, and therefore purpoſes rather to guide and adviſe Her Majeſty's Government towards fulfilling its own divinely inſpired Wiſhes, than in any Manner or Faſhion to oppoſe, diverge or exert an altering Influence upon legitimate Policy. I muſt continue to watch and ſtay alert for cyphered Meſsages of ſubversive Subtility.

Meanwhile that moſt ſlender of Striplings, that ſimmeſt of Sylphes, that delicate Gazelle of the Weſtminſter Glades whom we are privileged to call our Leader, hath declared that the Britiſh Race is in peril of becoming unfitted to its rightful Deſtiny becauſe of the ſcandalous and ſtultifying Epidemick of Gluttony among the Poor. Such far-ſighted and compaſsionate Viſion is preciſely what the People need to maintain their Fortitude during the poſt-peſtilential Period. This very Forenoon I have ſent ſeverall Miſsives offering my Services as Stomacher General to my Diſtrict, and expreſsing my fervent Deſire to guard the Publick from its own unquenchable Appetites by renting my own Cellars and Larder to the ſtoring of Treaſury Rations at a moſt conſcionable Rate.