Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

Her Majeſty's Government, that Paymaſter of the Deſerving and Promoter of the Diſcreet, that Container of Pruſsian Militariſm and Terror of the beaſtlie French, that treacherouſly maligned Fortreſs of World-beating Selfleſsneſs and juſtly offended Greatneſs of Soul, hath decreed that free Subjects of the Britiſh Crown need no longer maintain a Diſtance of the Hundredth Part of an Imperial Furlong from their natural Fellows, in Accord with the Heavenly Plan and in defiance of all Sawbones, Matrons and Apothecaries. Theſe and ſuchlike Defeatiſt Gallows-bait maintain againſt all good Senſe, that the Peſtilence will re-occur unleſs treated with a moſt unbuccaneering Caution, when any Man of true patriotick Senſibility will feel inſide his Paunch that warming Fire of true Patriotiſm, which is Proof againſt all Malady except the common Cold and the Weſtminſter Scrote-pox. Now that by the Divine Grace it hath pleaſed Almighty God to lower the Threat Level, there can be no Doubt but that through His great Wiſdom and Mercy we ſhall ſoon attain Deliverance from this Tribulation which in His great Wiſdom and Mercy He ſet looſe upon us. This Forenoon I ſpent ſeverall Minutes a-kneeling upon a Cuſhion of very penitential Lumpineſs, rendering up my ſincere Gratitude as one Engliſhman to an Other, with onlie a ſingle Servant at hand to attend to my bodily Condition and enſure that no diſtracting Diſcomfort aroſe ſufficient to dilute the Piouſneſs of my Devotions.