The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, June 01, 2020

Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

Thanks be to thoſe two great Engliſhmen, God and our noble and pious Prime Miniſter, for our Divine Chaſtiſement hath been ſo far ſubdued that barely more Deaths are occurring each Day than when the Peſtilence began. Thus the Nation's Children may ſafely return to their Schooling, and abſorb that ſpiritual Erudition and Caſtigation of their intellectual Pride, which will fit them for Life to ſerve our Monarch, while deſpiſing the foreign Oppreſsor and always knowing their Place. It is to be hoped that thoſe entruſted with the Care and Cultivation of theſe youthfull Reſources do not rely exceſsively upon the Cane, the Birch and the Belt, at leaſt among the ſenior Claſses where the Peril of erotick Concupiſcence ſtands forever ready to ſtrike at the downy white Buttocks of Innocence, not that the ſame ever cauſed any ſignificant Loſs of moral Fibre in myſelf. Unhappy to relate, the Teachers in theſe Days are ſo lacking in Britiſh Values, that many forſake the Rod altogether, being it muſt be ſuppoſed ſo over-payed and inclined to unwholeſome and jaded Corpulence, that the Exerciſe of Diſcipline upon ſlender and unruly young Fleſh conſtitutes too great a phyſical Effort. I have a ſudden urgent Need of the Blotter ſo muſt ſet down my Pen for the Nonce.

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