The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Friday, April 10, 2020

Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

Truly it ſeemeth that the Preſervation of our Democracy can be achieved onlie through the harſheſt Meaſures, for the common People are ſo lacking in Diſcipline and Britiſhneſs of ſpirit, that ſooner than allow them unfettered Liberty, one ſhould place a ſlave-ſhip under the command of the Negroes in the Hold, and truſt them not only to bring it ſafely in to Port, but to ſell themſelves fairly on the open Market and take Charge of their own Caſtigation towards a proper Effort in the Fields.

This Truth manifeſted itſelf moſt plainly to me yeſter-eve, on the Occaſion of my neceſsarie Excurſion to the Bloater & Blueſtocking Coffee-houſe. My Litter proceeded through Street after Street of common People who, far from confining themſelves to the healthy Aſceticiſm of their Hovels, were diſporting and engaging in Buſineſs even to the Extent of exchanging Filthy Lucre and indulging their Carnal Appetites.

My Moral Compaſs was naturally ſtirred at the ſpectacle of theſe unholy Revelries while God's appointed Firſt Lord of the Treaſury ſtill languiſhes and toſses upon his Bed of Agonie, but my Remonſtrances to this effect fell on ſtony Ground, and ſome of the Children were ſo lacking in Deportment as to gather quantities of Horſe-dung for an uncivil Purpoſe.

Upon reaching the Bloater & Blueſtocking I encountered the Miniſter for Indigence & Vagrancie, whoſe Parents are both down with the Peſtilence. With his cuſtomary Compaſsion he had brought them to the Coffee-houſe in hopes that a Poultice of boiling Gin and ſmall Beer might ſtimulate their hideouſly coughing Organiſms. The Miniſter and I had a moſt ſtimulating Diſcuſsion upon the ſubject of moral Degeneration in the Populace, and he ſuggeſted that I put down my Thoughts upon the matter for a brief Article to be printed in the Spectator.

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