Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

It appeareth my aſpirations towards a Government poſition are receiving attention in the highest Echelons, for I am in receipt of a ſigned Communication from the Prime Miniſter himſelf, directing me perſonally to look to my Health and to enſure that all the Servants are thoroughly waſhed with Carbolick before and after uſe. I am inſtructed to remain indoors, doubtleſs in order that further Communications from his Exalted Hand may reach me promptly and in Confidence. He proclaimeth, with that gentlemanly Drift towards the outer reaches of Coherence which conſtitutes ſo much of his Charm and hath devaſtated so many Foes electoral and foreign, that in his Judgement the Spine of the Nation hath been inſufficiently ſtiffened, and calleth upon the Racial Spirit to ſee us through the preſent Criſis now that ſo many medical Perſonnel have been deported for Crimes against Britiſhness.

Carrying out my Orders with a will, I inſtructed the Maids to diſpenſe with the Riding-crop for the time being and uſe a Scrubbing-bruſh inſtead, but it is not clear to me as I ſit here that the ſubſtitution will be a happy one. As a further Precaution I shall denounce to the relevant Authorities all thoſe at the Bloater & Blueſtocking Coffee-houſe who perſiſt in availing themſelves of exceſsively intimate Liberties at table. Mr Pynche-Mydwyfe the Sawbones is a groſs Offender in this regard and hath been known to wilt a Periwig at a ſingle Belch. To ſee ſuch a publick Menace confined to an Inſtitution for the criminally Miaſmatic would be a ſervice which the Crown could hardly fail to reward, and would indubitably gain me the Gratitude of the Electorate ſhould the Nation ſo greatly ſuffer in this Peſtilence as to deſcend into a Democracy.