Dead Green

The remains of the Minister for Pandering to the City of London, Vincent Cable, have announced that the City of London will be given the chair of the Government's green investment bank, so as to ensure that major priorities like pandering to the City of London do not yield precedence to minor public-relations issues like keeping the planet habitable. Sir Adrian Montague seems just the man for the job: he is a venture capitalist and has worked for Network Rail (remember them?), as well as helping the Treasury with the Private Finance Initiative boondoggle.

Cable's liquescent corpse also announced that, since the coalition promised not to use public money to subsidise the nuclear industry, the bank will be permitted to use public money to subsidise the nuclear industry. Cable's ichorous remnants sought to defuse objections by saying that offshore wind farms, energy efficiency projects and the shipping of waste to China were "likely" to get most of the funding over the first four years. Use of the green investment bank as a book-keeping trick for polluters has been postponed until 2015, presumably as a casual gesture by the Conservatives towards saving what is left of Wee Nicky's face. Since the relevant Government department is making less money available for flood defences, the bank may also finance these if the likes of Sir Adrian Montague find their carpets getting soggy.