The Curmudgeon


Saturday, January 08, 2011

Horror at Fury Shortage

Taxpayers' Alliance silent as minor embezzler begins luxury cruise

One of the House of Commons' pettier criminals has begun an eighteen-month sentence with access to free television.

The bile ducts of anonymous penologists from the Taxpayers' Alliance audibly failed to explode as expenses cheater David Chaytor sampled the luxury of life in Wandsworth Prison.

Chaytor "will be strip-searched, photographed, fingerprinted, showered, placed on a bodily orifice scanner", despite the risk that, as a Member of Parliament, he may derive some perverse gratification from the process.

He will also be allowed an hour a day for "exercise", besides receiving toothpaste, soap and shampoo at the taxpayer's expense.

Anonymous experts have so far failed to condemn these procedures as constituting needless mollycoddlying in an age of austerity when a simple hosing down with cold water would be both cheaper and a more effective deterrent.

Medical staff will ask Chaytor if he has a drink or drug problem, and will be compelled to believe his answers thanks to the continuing lack of a proper database state.

The editor of the prisoners' newspaper even recommended that Chaytor keep a diary in order to profit from his party's long record of being soft on crime.

Despite his crimes against autobiography, Tony Blair is still at large.


  • At 8:40 pm , Anonymous darjeeling junkie said...

    Re the second to last bit -I'd forgotten about that last,ridiculous,typically Jack Straw-esque proposal-and then I realised that if the French gov. of the time had a similar idea I would never have read Henri Charriere's Papillon-
    which although a damn good read(in the bath),was thoroughly unbelievable.


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