Situation Normal: All Firmly Upright

The Glorious Successor has informed us, in his customary excuse for English, that he is "aware of the insecurities that people have felt" as a result of his failure to prepare for the global downturn, and has given assurances that the Government is doing what it can to help those who merit help. "All my efforts are to make sure that we can help homeowners trying to buy homes, to help those people with mortgages who need the support of government at this time, to help businesses get the funding for investment and to help people get new jobs or maintain the jobs that they have," he said. People who own houses; hard-working families with mortgages; British workers with British jobs; and, of course, entrepreneurs like Northern Rock, BAE and Rupert Murdoch: provided such people are not feeling their insecurities, who could be so churlish as to worry about the undeserving? The Minister for Socially Acceptable Negritude, while noting that the present economic difficulties are "an international issue" whereas the preceding economic boom was all Gordon's own work, conceded that it is "entirely understandable that people are concerned about their own finances, they are certainly concerned about homes, utility bills, cost of living. That is the reality of it." Fortunately, the defences of New New Labour against reality are as formidable as ever: "actually the test for any government is when you are in difficult times, how do you perform - do you stand firm?" Actually, the test for any government is when you are in difficult times, how do you make them less difficult? A Viagraphiliac insistence on "standing firm" when you might be battening down a few hatches could lead to something important being snapped off in the storm.