Royaume-Uni: nul points

Parliamentarians with the necessary spare time and cultural depth are poised to inquire into the nation's performances at the Eurovision song contest, which apparently have been letting the side down since the millennium. After a suitable and no doubt scrupulously proportionate expenditure of the taxpayer's time and money, judgement will eventually be passed on whose fault it all is. Should anyone in the realm be concerned about the state and future of British lierature, film, theatre, opera or broadcasting, they will doubtless be reassured that the House of Expenses Claimants' Committee for Tech-bros, Cultchah, Meedjah and Rah-rah has nothing more important to worry about than results in a campy international game show.