His Glorious Body

While the effects of Donskoy's digits and Sasha's samples are yet to be noticeably felt in Tsar Vladimir's holy war, some other sacred relics appear to have brought about a salutary transformation in Bristol. By long-standing tradition, spirit outranks flesh in Western Christianity to very nearly the same extent as riches in Heaven outweigh worldly lucre; hence there are taboos against moving dead flesh once it has been properly mumbled over, except in exceptional circumstances such as when His Most Christian Majesty King Charles II had Oliver Cromwell's bones dug up so he could play with them for a bit. At Bristol the remains of the well-known local entrepreneur, wealth creator and graven image Edward Colston currently repose in a disused church which, mirabile dictu, may soon be repurposed as a place of truth-telling; so perhaps those idolatrous Orthodox infidels have a point after all.