Damp Decisions, Soggy Solutions

His Majesty's Government is shocked, shocked, and shocked again that moisture provision profiteers are using salary hikes as a way around the ban on bonus hikes, despite displaying no particular inclination to clean up their act before doing so. Thames Water has repurposed part of its emergency debt package to pamper a newly recruited fat cat, and the Department for Environmental Faeces and Rubbish Acceptance duly dripped out a spokesbeing to effluviate upon the unacceptability of the trick. Such master-strokes of cunning being self-evidently beyond the capacity of ministers to predict or prevent, His Majesty's Government is yet again resolved to spare no effort in accepting the unacceptable, while awaiting the industry watchdog's opinion on the likely future impact of its trademark hapless whines and mouldering, toothless gums.