Sunshine for Business

Good tidings about the climate calamity have emerged from the Continent, where the recent heatwaves caused a significant spike in excess deaths among the perfidious French, the beastly Belgians and the dreadful Dutch. Most of those who died were over forty-five, and the worst affected were those over sixty-five; so moderate and sensible economic planners in Britain will rejoice at the prospect of future heatwaves dispensing with those among the master race who are perilously close to collecting what remains of their pensions. The largest increase was in domestic demisements: another good sign for the mainland, where homes designed to withstand colder and wetter weather will turn into ever more efficient death-traps as infrastructure profitability becomes ever more sustainable and power cuts deprive the surplus population of what little cooling ability they currently possess. Casualties among the wealthy, the air-conditioned, and those with significant financial interests in perpetuating and exacerbating the climate calamity appear, as usual, to have been negligible.