In Line With Expectations

Vanishingly unlikely and shockingly unprecedented as the prospect may seem, it is just possible that the CEO of Team Starmer may be about to renege on a pledge. Having criticised Fishy Rishi for letting La Truss and the National Johnson bestow Ruritanian sinecures on their accomplices when they got thrown out, the martyr to moderation straightforwardly proclaimed that he himself would not indulge in an ejection honours list. However, that was when he was expecting a decade or two in office and the undying gratitude of several million adoring defectors from the Farage Falange. In the present altered circumstances, the statesman of the sensibles has declined to reveal whether he intends elevating such luminaries as the previous prime minister, Morgan McSweeney, to the ermine-clad empyrean that is the House of Cronies and Catamites. He has said that the matter will be looked into "in the usual course of things," which presumably means he has not yet received instructions from on high as to who is most deserving and whether the Trumpster and his head-tribble will be satisfied with a single honorary knighthood between them.