No Foe Too Formidable

Much like the greatest country in the world, whose uniquely robust and superior cultchah is under continuous existential threat from a few thousand refugees, the World Cop by the grace of God has endured deadly danger at the tentacles of enemies many and horrid. Nicaragua, North Korea, Libya, Cuba, Iran, Iraq and Venezuela are just a handful of the world-bestriding behemoths which have imperilled the leader of the Free World, brushing aside its meagre armed forces and nugatory nuclear arsenal with insidious infiltration and morale-sapping asymmetric terror tactics. Among the latest is Tonga, which has a population a full one-seventh the size of Washington DC's and has now joined various melanin-mongering powers of darkness on the Trumpster administration's new year travel blacklist. It is certainly to be hoped that such measures will prove adequate to protect the leadership of the Free World, and that the Tongan onslaught will not necessitate excessive invasions of San Francisco or nuclear strikes on Salt Lake City.