Substitutionary Atonement

If there's one thing the Church of Rome protects more zealously than child abusers, it is worldly wealth; so naturally when sued at the law the archdiocese of New Orleans has been in no particular hurry to give up coat or cloak. After five and a half years of fighting to avoid compensating its victims, the archdiocese now awaits the possibility of a final settlement at the hands of a bankruptcy judge; but painful as the process is likely to be, there is at least little chance of the Church being forced into the ungodly position of covering its own costs. In accordance with Christian ideas of truth, the archbishop proclaimed for three years that parishioners would not have to pay, before sending them the bill; and in accordance with Christian ideas of charity, the archdiocese was making ready to raid the local food bank before an anonymous donor came to the rescue.