Sacred Heart

As long ago as 2023 the Vicar of Christ was bold enough to caution his flock that apparitions of an immaculately conceived miracle-working pregnant Iron Age virgin are not always real; indeed, it even appears that some may be contrived merely in order to separate fools from their money without any resulting communion between the money and the Vatican. An alleged mystic with a cardiac surname has foretold the Church's taking over by communism; which would be heartily unpleasant for an institution accommodated by Mussolini, indulged by General Franco and ruled by the Venerable Pacelli. Blood on a supposedly weeping statue of the Virgin was claimed by a private investigator to have come from a pig, although why God could not have made it appear that way in order to test the faithful remains as yet a holy mystery. Fortunately the Church, whose Saviour promised two thousand years ago that His second coming would occur within the lifetime of His contemporaries, has lately tightened its rules against the blandishments of false prophets.