No Price Too High

Dark forces are trying to disunite our island of strangers by stirring up rage about asylum seekers, so naturally the Ministry for Wog Control is going to take yet further decisively noisy measures to drown out any rage about squillionaires. The ministerial expenses claimant for locking 'em up and kicking 'em out has proclaimed that the swarming hordes could be made to pay for the privilege of detention and processing via seizure of whatever jewellery, cars and money in the bank they may have sneaked into the country. Dispensations might possibly be made for jewellery with sentimental value, assuming some reliable method could be developed for gauging the sincerity of the alien and primitive sentiments in question. Even so, despite the British tolerance inherent in such measures, it seems unlikely they will prove adequate to the all-important task of securing the Farage Falange vote. With a cold snap already upon us and winter drawing near, patriots will surely wonder why Britons should have to struggle with their heating bills while asylum seekers get to keep their gold teeth, their hair and the clothes they stand up in.