Our Only Error is Modesty

From breakfast clubs to genocide, the achievements of His Majesty's Government have been so spectacular that the great British public hasn't noticed them. Thus Wideboy Wesley Streeting, the Secretary of Sales for Health, has won widespread praise for his response to the recent deplorable events in Caerphilly, wherein he delivered constructive criticism of the Government's advertising. In its well-meaning zeal for austerity, migrant-bashing and rowing back on the green crap, Team Starmer has assumed that voters will rah-rah such measures purely on their merits; alas, many a managerial idealist has been crushed by the consequences of such otherworldly utopianism. Fortunately, the CEO of Team Starmer may still be able to save the situation provided he confines the Government's racism to practice rather than rhetoric and confines his sloganeering to words of two syllables or fewer.