Old Men in a Hurry

As is only to be expected given its status as one of the largest and least accountable child abuse machines in modern history, the Church of Rome is itching to attract more young people. To that holy end, the Pope is about to canonise a teenage internet coder who died in 2006, alongside a youthful activist who died a century ago when his loving God blessed him with polio. The more modern saint is credited with having miraculously healed two people after his own funeral; the implication presumably being that any physicians who treated the beneficiaries were either unqualified or incompetent. Since idolatry is a sin, various bits and pieces are available for the pious to view in reinforcement of their faith, if also in defiance of the Saviour's clear injunction that the law and the prophets should be enough for anyone. Shockingly, the nascent cult is already being ruthlessly exploited by actual criminals, who are selling purported relics online as if faith alone could make them authentic.