Blessed are the Merciful

The Christian state of Florida is setting new records in the infliction of divine mercy, with three executions scheduled for the next four weeks. Governor Ronald of the Saints has signed more death warrants this year than even his most pious predecessors, with beneficiaries including a man found guilty of usurping the divine prerogative by killing off the family of someone against whom he had a grudge. An appeal on the grounds of quasi-Republican intellectual endowment was thrown out; so it remains unclear whether, in the unlikely event of his facing justice for endangering thousands of ordinary citizens, Ronald of the Saints himself would be able to cop an IQ plea.