Paper Chemtrails

Retailers in the realm of the Trumpster are doing their part for domestic economic toxicity by issuing paper receipts saturated with a poisonous chemical. The stuff is part of a coating on the paper that helps the ink develop, apparently because American ink has trouble developing when applied to an alien substance such as paper; and any purchaser indiscreet enough to hold such a paper in their bare hands for more than ten seconds is at risk of hormone disruption, cognitive damage, cancer and other gifts to the healthcare industry. Doubtless to the head-tribble and its relatives the chemical is no more than a convenient condiment; but lesser consumers are being advised either to brave the risks associated with forgoing the receipt, or else to give retailers their email address and brave whatever hormone disruption and cognitive damage may come with the electronic version.