He Just Slipped Out

Religious lunatics in Linz have decapitated a sculpture of the Virgin giving birth, apparently because it implies that she must have had her legs open at the time. The iconoclast's identity is allegedly being protected by another lunatic who stole some Amazonian statues of pregnant women five years ago and then taped himself throwing them into the Tiber as a moral lesson to the South American pope. Before her unexpected contraction, the Virgin was on display in Austria's largest cathedral and, unlike the blasphemous frog anathematised by the sixteenth Daddy Goodspeak, had the approval of the Church. Nevertheless, a statement supposedly from the headsman proclaims the image an "abominable and blasphemous caricature;" which seems consistent enough. After all, Mary was conceived without sin and impregnated without sex; if the resulting birth took place without the usual messy carnal inconveniences, that would surely be no more than natural.