Sacred Second Amendment Hideously Misapplied

One of those fighting for the coveted position of post-Pence vice-Trumpster has run into trouble over, of all things, the legal use of firearms. Kristi Noem, the interplanetary-pornstar-monickered governor of South Dakota, has published the customary personal manifesto about her relationships with God, Murca, motherhood and rabid tangerine head-tribbles, and has recounted of her own free will how she applied Tennessee educational values to a training-resistant dog and on the same day rather effortfully shotgunned a recalcitrant billy-goat, finally finishing off the uncastrated, unruly and presumably unarmed animal with the third shell. Noem and/or her ghost-writer seem to have believed that these decisive actions would be viewed in the same kindly light as personally blowing away gooks, chinks, commies, beaners, ragheads, uppity ethnics and abortion-seekers; but for obvious reasons of self-preservation no patriotic American is going to be very comfortable with arbitrarily killing off bleating and barking dumb animals. Rivals were quick to condemn the shootings, pointing out that the same infinitely loving God who created earthquakes, tornadoes, intestinal parasites, Yersinia pestis and Democrats also created dogs, whose fawning nature and predliction for drooling, defecation and making loud noises about very little indicates both their inherently Christian nature and their birthright as honorary members of the Republican Party.