Eye-Catching Solutions

As the Conservatives' economic miracle continues to bite and foam, Britain's largest trainer of guide dogs plans to make almost a tenth of its workforce redundant. Rising veterinary bills and inflated dog food prices mean that Guide Dogs UK is threatened with a funding deficit of some twenty million pounds; fortunately, the number of people suffering sight loss is scheduled to double within the next fifteen years. With twice as many blind people, it should be a simple matter to pair them up and thereby extend the foundational principle of democratic Britishness - the blind leading the blind - into the disability convenience industry. Besides, there are still plenty of people who misuse what eyes they have and see what is in front of them instead of what the Government wants them to see; so once we regain our sovereignty from the hated foreign courts the Government may even be able to make up any guidance shortfall with a quick Exoculation Act.