Alien Invader

It appears that there are more Conservatives in Scotland than previously thought, although it took a molecular fungal ecologist to discover the latest one. Its allegiance is evident from its blue and white colouring, which obviously should be scrupulously distinguished from that of the Scots saltire. In this case the colours represent Conservative values in both skin colour and moral character: the blue is the glorious facial mottling of habitual and continuous apoplectic rage, while the white flags up the party's traditional attitude of swooning surrender to money, demagoguery and snobbery. It's notable that this particular species favours the Alps, a region centred on banking and bordering four countries (five counting Vichy) which were all making loud noises about duty, patriotism and hard-working families during the historical period inhabited by the average Conservative mentality. Like all Scots Tories, the new discovery is "incredibly rare globally," and has a co-dependent relationship with dense monocultures often considered ecologically dead; but it does seem a little ironic that one of the last, and presumably one of the more intelligent, Conservatives in Scotland should also be an immigrant in danger of expulsion.