Where Charity Begins

In a touching gesture of faith, the Archbishop of Canterbury has taken to carrying a personal alarm to protect him from his brothers in Christ. As the head of an organisation which began with a rabid fundamentalist's urge to destroy the world and which famously loved its enemies to death, the Archbishop took to the pages of a hard-right rag to convey how shocked, shocked, shocked he is that Anglicans are abusing each other instead of sinners, schismatics and immigrants. Apparently the enmity and divisions within society have somehow found their way into the Church, despite the Church's interminable scruples about people's sex lives and despite the Archbishop himself meticulously regurgitating all those moderate and sensible slogans about controlling the swarming hordes and removing the mote in the eye of social media. What can possibly have gone wrong?