Proms in Peril

A cellist, and a coloured one to boot, who played at the wedding of those notorious royal miscegenates the Sussexes, has courted the Windrush treatment by polluting Desert Island Discs with a suggestion that the jingo anthem Rule, Britannia! should be dropped from the Last Night of the Proms. So black is his ingratitude that he blatantly boycotted the whole rousing rah-rah, exclamation mark and all, after performing as a soloist last year; and he now has the temerity to claim that it could be replaced with music that the plebs and peasants produced for their own delectation rather than for that of such icons of Britishness as Friedrich Ludwig, Prince of Wales. Fortunately, civilisation was saved for the moment when a spokesbeing at the British Broadcasting Conservatives swiftly slapped down the revolt, citing those long-standing and cast-iron traditions which are so vital in keeping degenerate art at bay. In accordance with British cultural values, the spokesbeing invoked the name of the Proms' co-founder Sir Henry Wood, who himself skirted treason by allowing women to play in the orchestra, letting the musicians stand with the conductor to acknowledge applause, and even trying to get their wages increased.