The Life Cycle of the Misprint

Controversy remains as to whether the errata in ancient and mediaeval manuscripts can be considered misprints, since such manuscripts were of course produced by hand, with misspellings arising from fatigue or carelessness on the part of individual scribes. Crucially, this method produced a far lower quantity of copies for each manuscript than was later achieved through the printing press, so that the opportunities for intercourse and breeding between misprints were severely curtailed.

The current consensus is that the true misprint arose with the introduction of the printing press, and specifically with the appearance of moveable type. The origins of the species are still obscure, but experts have theorised that the first misprints may have evolved as a result of lax standards of hygiene in the kerning and leading process. Small chips of wood were customarily used to space out lines and letters, and it is possible that the first misprints invaded the pages of early documents as a sort of typographical splinter group.

In the wild, the primary misprint mating season is believed to occur mainly during the composition of the first draft: the so-called love letter phase. Misprints are detected and eliminated at this stage with deceptive ease, thanks to their exhibitionistic rituals of courtship. These can often be so obtrusive as to deflect the writer's typing fingers onto the wrong keys, thereby aiding the reproductive process.

Following completion of a first draft, it is usual for writers to pause before commencing revision. it is during these pauses that the fertilised female misprints bear and conceal their offspring, which at this stage are microscopic in size and visible only to the smallest predators and editors. On being exposed to the light when revisions begin, the infant misprints undergo a prodigious spate of growth, which causes many to be detected but leaves maximum opportunity for the fittest to mature and multiply through subsequent drafts. This cycle culminates when the process of printing and/or uploading triggers the second mating season, the so-called hot-off-the-press phase: an orgiastic debauch aimed at producing the greatest possible population of new misprints for enshrinement in the published version.

Whatever the origins of the misprint, there can be little doubt as to the means of their perpetuation. Many commercial publishers are known to keep private farms where British and American spelling conventions promiscuously interbreed, and where the hyphen lies down with the emdash in conditions of barely publishable dissipation. Meanwhile, small press houses not only misdirect apostrophes but allow all forms of degenerated diction to wander freely throughout their business premises, criminally spaced out on duplicated lines.

It is generally believed that the present explosion in the misprint population has resulted from the near-extinction of the common proofreader, owing to the calamitous habitat loss that came about when Context fell victim to various ongoing culture wars. Certain subspecies have also interbred with the computer virus, infiltrating electronic spell-checkers and giving birth to approximately ninety per cent of text messages. However, all theories remain speculative as very little scientific research has been carried out, with research institutions unwilling to invest and writers too busy swearing to engage in disinterested inquiry.