Putting the Britain in Grate

New heights of symbolic Britishness continue to be scaled with the tottering state of Parliament's office building. Intended to last a hundred and twenty years, Portcullis House is, as one might expect, falling to bits after twenty-two. Since it was constructed in accordance with the British government's idea of a high standard, little account was taken of silly old maintenance requirements, let alone of the possibility that a couple more decades' greenwashing might lead to heavier and more frequent rain. As a result, maintenance personnel are unable to get onto the roof in order to stop leaks in MPs' offices; while the electrical and mechanical systems all need ripping out and replacing, at slightly lower cost than it would take to rip out and replace the poisonous mould and parasitic fungus which constitute the two major right wings of the Parliamentary Britishness Party. Routine maintenance has to be carried out by drones and abseiling teams, and the system for cleaning and replacing glass panes has seized up in line with current standards of transparency. Fortunately, a net is to be installed in order to catch falling glass, as it would hardly be in line with British values for our elected expenses claimants to be afflicted with any sort of point.