Reverently, Discreetly, Advisedly, Soberly, and in the Fear of Schism

Gay marriages in the Church of England may soon, on a trial basis, and subject to the scruples of those who share the rabid homophobia of their nasty little god, look very similar to the weddings of real people; and doubtless those who condescend to perform such ceremonies will find it a most worthwhile, stimulating and enjoyable experience. The General Synod voted narrowly to defy the commandments of its invisible employer as set forth in Leviticus and unequivocally endorsed by the Saviour; and received in return the usual loving-kindness from both the Bible-bashing gay-baiters and the gentle-Jesus dupes. After the relevant amendment passed by a single vote and the motion for further moral hedging by a barely-lukewarm twenty-four, the bishop of London noted astutely that the Church of England, despite having had sex on the brain for more than twenty years, is not of one mind on the matter.