A British Home Secretary Manqué

As might be expected given its origin and provenance, the Government's inquiry into Nazi atrocities on Alderney prior to Mr Churchill's victory is turning away evidence on the grounds of formatting. With characteristic concern for facts, the "Holocaust envoy" and globbering meat-weeble Eric Pickles has decreed that documents which are not submitted to particular specifications will be disdainfully ignored; with the result that at least one historian has submitted his to the Observer instead. Among these papers is a letter from Heinrich Himmler which shows a charmingly British attitude towards labour relations. Possibly rattled by a recent uprising at Treblinka extermination camp in Poland, the Reichsführer-SS orders trouble-makers summarily shot and, if the trouble continues, the entire workforce massacred. Himmler ordered this command kept secret, thereby demonstrating a dedication to tough decisions, government openness and the sanctity of British soil in near-perfect harmony with the sensibilities of Mr Churchill's spiritual heirs. Meanwhile the Pickles inquiry continues its attempt to find out the number of Nazi murders that are verifiable in a format convenient to Lord Pickles, who doubtless is also concerned to discover how many among the Alderney workforce were Zionists and how many deserved what they got.