Cleaning Up the Record

With Fishy Rishi rowing back on the green crap and Team Starmer loyally following in his wake, England can surely do without a lot of experts and other trouble-makers pouring bile on troubled waters. Hence His Majesty's Government has liberated itself from the Nazi-Soviet Strasbrussls diktat requiring that rivers and waterways be surveyed every year, which led to such deplorable consequences in 2020 when the beastly Euro-wog standards demonstrated an inherent bias against doing justice to the cleanliness of British sewage. Our ever-fragrant Government now plans to introduce a more patriotic set of standards which, as befits their innate and inalienable Britishness, haven't been properly thought out yet and are unlikely to be properly thought out before they are implemented. By a fortunate coincidence, the change does mean that no data will be published before the general election to indicate how far the minimalist efforts of Thérèse Coffey and the Department for Effluent Flows and Rancidity Augmentation have improved matters.