Class Monitors

Effective government is all about priorities, and with so many schools falling apart it's only natural that His Majesty's Government should be concerned about what teachers, teaching assistants and our few remaining librarians are saying on social media. Even amidst the cornucopia of freedoms which has burst orgasmically forth since Global Britain's liberation from the Strasbrussels yoke, there are still those who expect the state to solve every problem, including those where no more expensive solution is required than yet another healthy helping of plucky positivity. Accordingly, the Ministry for Infantine Discipline and Training has compiled files on those who talk down British schools, or who raise objections to Government policies just because those policies happen not to work. In the interests of conserving funds, the Ministry has also blacklisted mere experts who might say nasty things at conferences, and has indicated its unwillingness to sponsor subversive elements with money that would be more responsibly spent on pre-election pork-barrelling. With excusable indirection, a spokesbeing proclaimed that it is standard practice to carry out due diligence when throwing money at anything that doesn't profit the Prime Minister's wife.