Conversion Conserved

Surprisingly enough, His Majesty's Government appears on course to break its promise to legislate against sexual reorientation, as there is no more time to publish the draft bill. Even more surprisingly, the pledge was originally made by Tumbledown Tessie five years ago, and reiterated the following year by no less stalwart a statesman than the National Johnson. As late as this year the Coronation sword-bearer and Leader of the House of Expenses Claimants gave an assurance that the draft bill would be published before the end of the parliamentary session; but other little matters, such as killing dogs and leaving schools to crumble, have manifestly taken priority. Besides, leading enemies of the people have pronounced conversion "therapy" degrading, harmful and unworthy of a civilised society, and therefore self-evidently worthy of the United Kingdom. Even the Church of England has proclaimed that it has no place in the modern world, and has largely given up the practice in favour of marital apartheid and other broad-minded measures. His Majesty's Loyal Opposition has not yet expressed an opinion on the matter, at least in the sensible and moderate pages of the Murdoch scumbag press or the Rothermere Daily Stürmer; but it can scarcely be doubted that Team Starmer would be happy to see a few benign mental modifications applied to striking workers, climate protesters and other contemptible un-British elements.